Sleepless Sentiments

The level of my alertness at 3:28 am is truly amazing, not to mention annoying. I wish I was sleeping, but it is not happening. I shouldn't be surprised - I'm a chronic insomniac who had been sleeping pretty well for a week or so. I think my mistake was going to bed before midnight (sometime I frequently plan to do and almost never achieve). I was tired at 11:30 pm so I went to bed. I woke up at 2:30 am and have been completely unable to return to a state of slumber, restful or otherwise. A snoring husband and an active baby didn't help, but the main problem is a racing mind. Here are some of the thoughts that were apparently more important to my brain than sleep:

Concerns about pregnancy and childbirth: Baby Bean is on my mind today because I had both an OB appointment and a childbirth refresher class. The appointment went well. Bill was working (I like typing that phrase) so Bridget came with me and she was very good the whole time. I've hardly gained any weight in the past month and Bean measured the same size as last visit. The quick measure of a baby's growth is the size of the mother's belly measured from the pubic bone to the top of the uterus. The size in cm should be approximately the same as the weeks of gestation. I'm 31 weeks along and measuring 27 cm. The doctor did an ultrasound to make sure Bean is growing properly and thankfully everything looks fine. His estimated weight is a little over 3 pounds, which is nearly average for his age. I guess the big question is where I'm keeping that much baby without getting bigger!

After the first half of our refresher class last week, I was feeling overwhelmed by the whole childbirth thing, even though I've already done it once. It felt completely new and frightening again. Contractions, dilation, monitoring, pain relief, labor techniques, etc. I had a few restless nights of uneasy dreams worrying about Bean and all the various things that could go wrong. Last night I had a really good dream of holding a happy, healthy baby boy. That along with the newborns we saw in the nursery at the end of tonight's class makes me anxious to have Bean in my arms. Even as I wish to hold him sooner, I worry about the possibility of that happening. Premature birth is probably my biggest fear. The further along I get, the more anxious I feel about the things that went wrong near the end of my last pregnancy, namely my mom's death and my sister's difficult pregnancy ending in my niece being born early and spending a week in the neonatal ICU (two events that set the stage for my sister's divorce).

Teaching this summer: I'm officially scheduled to teach biochem at Wayne again. I'm excited to be asked and I'm theoretically looking forward to it but it's been in my mind way too much lately. If I knew Bill would have gainful employment by then, I think I would have turned them down. Although it will be much easier than last summer since I've been through it once, there are a lot of changes I'd like to make. I think it could be another stressful two months, this time with two children to neglect, one of whom will hopefully still be nursing. One big concern is how to make the course more difficult. My average scores were much higher than I expected and I think the powers that be are concerned that I made it too easy. I'm not quite sure how to fix it since I think I covered the necessary material and wrote fair exams covering that material. I can't quit thinking about the need to compare what I taught to the exams given by the other instructors. It's a good thing to do, but I hardly need to be worrying about it now with the semester five months away.

Teaching this semester: Trying to avoid thinking about biochem usually leads my mind to the current semester. I teach tomorrow and I feel the lecture is well planned but there are always more things to consider. Like extra activties to improve learning. Most of the classes I took were lecture/exam courses. Listen to the lecture, take the exam. At LCC they try hard to encourage more active teaching and learning methods. The small class size makes it pretty reasonable to do so, but I'm not always comfortable with it. Also, there's a lot of material to cover and anything that uses class time decreases lecture time. My hope is to get through tomorrow's lecture material a little early so I can try a new exercise. I want to give the students five minutes to write three test questions based on the material we've covered in the current unit, then have the exchange papers and try to answer each other's questions. The goal of this is two-fold: 1) for students to think about the types of questions that could be asked about the material, and 2) to give me an idea of what types of questions the students might expect. If it also shows then that writing exam questions isn't as easy and straightforward as they think, all the better.

It's now much later than it was when I started and maybe the exercise of writing all this down has cleared my mind enough to let me get to sleep. Here's hoping...

Fall is Flying

I put on a winter coat and wonder why it's so cold outside. Then I consider the date and wonder how it got so late in the year. A few thoughts brought on by the season:

The fall semester is drawing to a close. There's only one month left and end of the semester activities are starting to pile up. Exams, lab tests, a group project/paper, and an extra credit assignment. Plans are also in the works for next year's classes. I got an email from Wayne State asking if I'd like to teach Biochem again in summer. It would be a lot easier than last summer and I could work 2 days a week for the same pay as 4 days a week at LCC. Sounds good to me.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. It will be an unusual holiday. Since my dad works on Thursday and Karen's kids will be with their dad, we planned our Thanksgiving gathering for Friday. Now it turns out that none of us have any plans for Thanksgiving day. Bill's mom will still be in Salt Lake City. Bill's dad is working in Mexico until mid December. He'll fly to SLC for the holiday weekend instead of coming back here. Bill and I have the house to ourselves for the next month. I'm both excited and a little bummed to be lacking family for so much of the holiday season.

Christmas music and decorations are everywhere. I find it a bit irritating that we have no chance to enjoy a bite of Halloween candy without here Jingle Bells. I realized that it might be a bit hypocritical to be annoyed by the Christmas music playing in the store I wandered into looking for Christmas ideas for my daughter, niece, and nephew.

The Church's liturgical year is nearly over. We're down to the last couple years of ordinary time and advent will begin the new church year soon. The focus is on resurrection, but it is also a month of remembrance with a lot of reminders about those who have gone before us. It's hard to believe that it's been over two years since my mom died. I'm pretty good at coping with that loss, but I'm not very good at considering resurrection, heaven, eternal life, etc. It just feels like more than my mind can comprehend. I try to do the best I can here and now and leave heaven in God's hands.

Baby Bean's arrival is getting closer. This is the biggest thing about the passing time. Every day brings him a little closer. All is still well with the pregnancy, though he's still measuring small. At our childbirth refresher class last week, I looked only half as pregnant as the other women. I'm starting to get more concerned about trival things things like labor, names, clothes, blankets, etc. and less trival things like where we'll be living, how we'll make ends meet, and how to manage two small children. Sometimes I wish he could stay safely where he is for about six more months, but we're down to only 10 more weeks!

Weekend Wanderings

It was a weekend by turns busy and laid-back. Bill worked on Friday. He made his first appearance in open court as an attorney during an update conference on the case he's researching. Pretty cool. Bridget and I got quite a bit done too. We did laundry, got an oil change, picked up a new battery for the car, and went to the library.

Saturday we went out for a little shopping (I'm looking for a new digital camera - my 2 mp Fuji is a little behind the times) and took Bridget to the park. We all napped the afternoon away, then rushed to it to Mass at 5 pm. Bridget was not at her best, but we managed.

This morning we attended a new community catechesis program at our parish. The idea is that dropping kids off for once a week religious instruction is not as effective as involving the whole family. It is a two hour lesson with a related activity for the children, followed by Mass (we opted for Mass on Saturday evening because three hours was just too much to expect form a two-year old). Today's lesson was the liturgy of the Church, with most of the time spent on an explanation of the Church's liturgical year. It was interesting and informative. I'd like to go again. Bridget was too young for the children's activity but she was absolutely wonderful for the two hours. She got to pick out a special treat when we went grocery shopping and she was very excited about her donut with sprinkles.

There was just enough time for a quick lunch and an hour nap for Bridget before we were out of the house again. We spent the evening at my dad's house to celebrate the 4th birthday of my nephew and godson. Bridget has been looking forward to this birthday party for weeks. There was spaghetti for dinner followed by cake and ice cream and presents. That's her idea of a perfect event, even if the presents aren't for her.

It was a busy day and I'm glad we gained an hour or I'm not sure we would have fit it all in. I would have liked to spend that hour sleeping, but Bridget's internal clock didn't adjust with the time change so she was up early. She stayed up late tonight so hopefully she'll sleep in to the regular time tomorrow.

Halloween Pictures

Here is my first attempt to post pictures on a blog. Thanks to Kevin for the instructions (I never noticed that convenient little button before). We conducted our Halloween festivities at my dad's house with my sister and her kids. Above you can see the kids decorating pumpkins and all dressed up for trick-or-treating. Three-year-old Austin is a cow, two-year-old Kacey is a skunk, and Bridget is obviously a very cute Cinderella.

Halloween Wednesday

Wednesdays are OB days. Now that Bean is into his third trimester of development, I have appointments every other Wednesday and there seems to be baby-related activity on the in between weeks - the glucose test last week and childbirth refresher class next week. Bridget came with me today and despite her misgivings, "No Mama go to doctor", it went very well. Bridget was sweet and adorable in her Cinderella dress (no reason not to let her wear it all day). My weight gain was good, Bean measured significantly larger than last visit, and the doctor told me that the numbers from my 3-hour glucose test were not only acceptable, they were extremely good. I'm very thankful and happy that Bean is doing so well. He's been kicking me all day to assure me of his good health.

This evening we took Bridget to my Dad's house for some trick-or-treating with her cousins. For those of you unfamiliar with the neighborhood in which I grew up, the houses are 1/4 mile apart or so and separated by fields of corn, hay, wheat, or beans. I'm related to most of the neighbors and my uncles own many of the aforementioned fields. Walking from house to house is not a viable option so we did as was done when I was young. Getting three adults and three children under three in and out of a vehicle is a tedious and time-consuming process. We stopped at the houses of the five nearest relatives and called it a night. I think it was just about right. The kids had fun without wearing out and the amount of candy remained within a reasonable limit.

An Accident-free Day

Today is the first day since we began potty training that Bridget has gone completely without an accident. It's a very happy change from yesterday when we cleaned up three puddles in two hours. These are the things that count as major accomplishments in my life!

Bridget is very excited about going trick-or-treating this week. She asks me to review the procedure nearly hourly, even though she knows it all by heart:

Mama: "First you..."
Bridget: "Put on your Cindinrella dress!"
M: "Then we..."
B: "Go a Papa's house!"
M: "Then what do we do?"
B: "Go knock-knock on a door."
M: "What do you say?"
B: "Trick er treat."
M: "Then what happens?"
B: " They give you CANDY!"
M" "Then..."
B: "Say thank you."

Relief

Yesterday I waited all day for a phone call that never came. I spent the evening researching gestational diabetes. This morning I got the call from my doctor's office and everything is fine. I am greatly relieved and, not for the first time, chagrined at expending so much energy worrying about something that never came to pass.

Another Wednesday

I was back at the doctor's office today. The results of last week's glucose tolerance screen were not good so I had to go back for a three hour fasting glucose tolerance test. The test itself went fine (the nurse was very good and make the four blood draws tolerable even for a needle-phobe like myself), but I'm more than a little nervous about the results. It may come back fine, or it may confirm that I have gestational diabetes. That would be bad enough for someone with my extreme attraction to all things sweet. The really bad news is that I would have to monitor my blood glucose level four times a day for the rest of the pregnancy. My fingers hurt just thinking about sticking myself so many times. Even worse than temporary monitoring is the fact that woman with gestational diabetes are at a much higher risk of developing diabetes later in life. That thought has me very bummed out. It's been a nagging fear of mine since long before this stupid test. I need a cookie.

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

For the past year or so, Bill and I have both been paying more attention to being Catholic. I doubt that most people would notice much of a change, but we're more attuned to church teachings than we were. There are many things about the Catholic church that were either ignored or glossed over in our cradle-Catholic education. Now that we're making an effort to learn more, some of the things we see at Mass seem jarringly out of place. What's really amazing is that Bridget has noticed the same things on two occasions.

A few weeks ago, they had lowered a projection screen above the alter to show a slide show during communion. Bill and I both thought it was a huge distraction from the main point of the solemn sacrifice of the Mass. Bridget noticed it as soon as we sat down. Her comment was "Where's Jesus?" referring to the large statue of the risen Christ that was covered up by the screen. She definitely got right to the point there.

Today we noticed that the hymn sung at the beginning of communion wasn't liturgically appropriate. It was a nice song and well preformed, but it didn't fulfill the role of a communion hymn as I have come to understand it. As Bridget put it when the song began, "Sounds like music at a big party!"

To remind you that she is an ordinary 2-year-old, you should also know that she thought there should be stickers in the basket when she took up her money for the children's collection.

Wednesday

Today is a nice day, a bit of blue sky in a week of rainy days. Bill went into work this morning so Bridget and I had the house to ourselves. We got ready for the day, cleaned a bathroom, and ran some errands. You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find a kite in mid-October. Bridget saw someone flying a kite in a book and now she wants to "fly a kite with Mama." I hate to refuse such a request, but I can't find a kite anywhere! We took a trip to the park instead.

Bill came home for lunch so I could go to my appointment. It was fairly uneventful. I get the result of the glucose tolerance test tomorrow. Baby Bean's heartbeat was good, but he measures small even though I gained adequate weight this month. I'm not too surprised since Bridget measured small too but she was over 8 pounds. I go back in two weeks and they'll do another ultrasound if Bean* doesn't seem much bigger.

When I got home, Bridget was still napping and that seemed like a good idea to me too. Now I'm blogging and Bridget is sitting next to me watching Sesame Street clips on youtube. She already loves the computer. We'll have to keep an eye on her screen time as she gets older!


*For those of you who don't know, we don't intend to name our little boy "Bean," it's just how we refer to him for now. We haven't chosen a name yet and Bridget needed something to call him. It refers to the appearance of a baby at an early ultrasound - a little kidney bean shape with a flashing spot for a heart.

Mondy Roundup

The Cinderella dress is finished and Bridget was excited to see it. She caught sight of it this morning and wanted to wear it immediately. Since her breakfast oatmeal are almost ready to eat, we vetoed that and she settled for dancing around the room holding the dress. It was a reaction well worth my efforts! I worked today, but I hear her day went well with a trip to the park and one pair of panties lasting almost all day.

This week is busy at work. I'm lecturing on a complex topic (transport across the cell membrane is difficult for novices), giving a lab practical early in the week, and giving a lecture exam on Thursday. That means being more available to students and not taking time out to swim between classes. The first lab practical went well with a very respectable 76% average. Hopefully tomorrow's lab goes as smoothly.

Only 3 months until Baby Bean's due date. I have an OB appointment on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to it. Even when all signs indicate that the pregnancy is going well, it's nice to have periodic confirmation. I want to know that my weight gain is on track and that Bean's heartbeat is still strong. The Braxton-Hicks contractions are stronger and a lot earlier than with Bridget, but not out of the ordinary. I'm torn between wanting the next three months to be over so we can hold our baby boy and wanting them to last so I can continue to enjoy my private time with him and while he's so much easier to care for!

Domestic Day

The cool weather made me less than enthusiastic about leaving the house so I stayed in today. Bridget and I read a lot of stories, folded a lot of laundry, made a lot of visits to the potty (this is the first time she didn't wet her panties all day!), and had a rather unsuccessful naptime. This evening I worked on her Halloween costume. She wants to be Cinderella and she wants the custome ready right now. She wanted to wear it today and wasn't impressed when I told her that I still had to make it. "Sew it!" she demanded and I got to work. She was extremely interested and stayed pretty close (a little too close to the cutting scissors and sharp needles for my comfort) until bedtime. It's going well so far and it looks adorable. I can't wait to let her try it on once I get the skirt attached to the bodice.

The Week Continues

It's midweek with little to report. I don't work on Wednesdays so it's a bit like a mini-weekend. Like most weekends, I usually accomplish far less than I was hoping to. Today went pretty well. I did a little cleaning and I did got a lot of work done for my teaching next week. After tomorrow's lectures, it's time for the real weekend to start.

Waning Weekend

Another weekend is drawing to a close. There were some fun events and some chores accomplished, but not as many of either as I had hoped. I spent a lot of time either sleeping or wishing I was sleeping (like this morning when Bridget crawled into bed with me and began a long one-sided conversation that degenerated into giggles as she climbed all over her daddy).

Bill worked on Friday and I was out of sorts most of the day, but I did manage a little cleaning as well as the laundry. The evening improved with an impromptu visit to my dad's house. We had hot dogs for dinner and let the kids play until they were ready to drop. I also choose a couple items of my mom's to "borrow." I needed a gold chain to wear until my own jewelry is unearthed from basement storage and I wanted a couple holiday sweaters for this Christmas since mine are not going to fit over Baby Bean. Of course I have no intention of returning them. My dad has been trying for a while to get us to take anything we want, but it doesn't feel right to just walk into her closet and walk off with her things. So for now I'll think of it was borrowing something and it will eventually I'll consider it a gift from her to me.

Bill and I went out with a friend to see a movie. We saw 3:10 to Yuma, which was a pretty good movie, but I was frequently distracted by an inability to suspend my disbelief. There was way too little damage being done by way too many flying bullets. Bridget was very excited to join us for dinner at a restaurant, despite an unreasonable fear that every member of the waitstaff was going to take her drink or her dinner before she was finished.

Today we took Bridget to JoAnn's to choose fabric for her Halloween costume (she wants to be Cinderella, a costume for which I already have a pattern). We went a little too close to naptime so it was a bit of a trial, but we did accomplish the project. Bridget requested a picnic lunch with peanut butter sandwiches ("eat butter sammich on a blanket outside") and it was pleasant way to decompress a little before a late nap.

This afternoon Bill and I left Bridget with her Grandpa so we could go to a special service - a solemn high Mass said in the Latin Tridentine form. It was a new experience for me. It was a bit hard to follow for a non-Latin-speaker like myself, but it was a more peaceful and reflective Mass than the ordinary form. Or maybe I felt that way because I experienced an entire Mass without a two-year-old on my lap.

Symptomatic Resurgence

For some reason, the pregnancy symptoms have hit me really hard this week. It's odd because it's been pretty much business as usual since I got over the all-day morning sickness that characterized the month of June. This week I've been incredibly tired despite napping when possible, my previously diminishing craving for sweets has come back with a vengeance, I have to go to the bathroom all the time, I'm getting night-time leg cramps, my balance is off, and my mood swings like a two-year-old at the park.

Other than the emotional instability, I don't really mind much. It's nice to be reminded that I'm pregnant. There's nothing wrong with the extra rest, I usually manage to limit the treats to a much enjoyed snack in the evening, more trips to the bathroom remind me to ask Bridget if she needs to go, the leg cramps are a chance to practice labor breathing techniques, and I have a good reason to take the elevator instead of the stairs at work, and I can blame a combination of symptoms for why I have accomplished almost nothing this weekend.

Joy Not Untarnished

I'm glad to be pregnant. In fact, I'm thrilled to be pregnant. I enjoy it not only for the baby-to-be, but even for the experience itself. But this week has been big for reminding me that my joy may be very hard on others. I've read of the miscarriage of a much desired pregnancy and an adoption cut short by lack of funds. Closer to home, my sister is having a very hard time dealing with her divorce and the feeling of losing her children. Most personally, there is the association I have between pregnancy and my mom's death. It's hard not to be frustrated all over again that she's not here. Add to that the stress of a living arrangement and financial situation not particularly conducive to an additional family member and it's difficult to feel as happy as I'm sure I must be.

Saying the Wrong Thing

Sometimes we just say the wrong thing. I was trying to say the right things. I was trying to express care and concern and a positive attitude, but it all fell wrong on the ears of the person I was trying to encourage. It's not that anyone got angry. No one said anything mean or hurtful and we've both apologized that we weren't more sensitive to each other. But I feel like the conversation washed away all the common ground I've been trying to build for the past few years. Now we're stuck on opposite sides of a ravine. We can chat and smile and be there together, but no matter how I stretch, we can't quite reach each other. Were we ever close enough to touch or are the differences in our lives more than can be bridged? I feel lonely here on my side and I feel bad for stranding her on her side. So much for words; I don't think they're working here either.

Blog Personalities

Although I don't read many blogs, I've found that my virtual personality changes depending on the blog I'm reading. This might not affect those who lurk, but sometimes I can't keep from commenting. The tone of my comments varies from one blog to the next. When I'm reading my friend's blogs, I try to be amusing and affectionate. When in a Catholic blog, commenting is more difficult since it involved trying to say something meaningful and honest without triggering the judgement that I always fear is lurking for the well-meaning but less devout readers such as I see myself. I don't usually reply to posts on parenting, but I do file the information in my brain for later use.

The multiple personalities are easy enough to manage as a visit different blogs. Despite being logged in, comments feel very anonymous. All that is seen is the one personality I reveal to that blog's readership. What I haven't figured out is what to do with my own blog. It's not so safely anonymous and anyone could make their way from my comments to my profile to this blog. Who I am here would depend on who is reading, but I don't really know who that is. I guess I'll have to muddle through being myself.

Parenting Moments

There are so many things to consider with a bright two-year-old. It seems like every moment is a teaching moment of some sort: not only colors, letters, and shapes, but also politeness, hygiene, motor skills, behavior in church, table manners, listening to directions, potty training, and so much more. She learns so quickly that we can hardly keep up with her.

We were trying to wean her off the pacifier that she uses at bedtime, but our first attempt didn't work. A couple mom's recommended cutting off the end of the pacifier so we could let her have it, she just wouldn't want it. The first couple nights were heartbreaking as she cried "have a broke mimi," and "get a better mimi." I felt as mean as if I'd torn the head off her favorite stuffed animal. Then she adapted and now she comments once that it's broken, then uses it anyway.

We're just letting it go for now as we embark on the much more important and time consuming adventure of potty training. For week's she's been sitting on the potty regularly, but nothing has happened. Today's diapers are just too absorbent for kids to learn what it feels like to go potty. After a couple days in cloth training panties, I think she's starting to get it. Not only did she figure out how to pee in the potty, but today she actually told her daddy before she went instead of as she was wetting her panties. I'm sure there's still a lot of changes of clothes ahead, but we just might have this well in hand by the time her baby brother arrives.

Literacy is a Prerequisite

Do my students not read the syllabus or do they just assume it doesn't apply to them? I had four students miss the exam I gave to today. Two of them have emailed to make arrangements to make up the exam. The syllabus clearly states (and I clearly stated on the first day of class) that the lowest exam score is dropped so there are NO makeup exams. I am actually a very sympathetic person so I do not enjoy these moments of holding the hard line.

If mine was a meaningful blog, I would go on to discuss this phenomenon in the larger world with examples of people acting above the rules. I can't say I've never done it myself and I'm a pretty compulsive rule follower in most situations. Thankfully, this isn't that kind of blog, so I'll leave the topic and return to the minutia of my daily life.

Otherwise the day went well. My students finished their exams early so I got some extra time in the pool. My endurance and my form are improving but the best part is the marvelous relaxation of weightlessness that will only get better as I get bigger. It makes it worthwhile to spend twice as long in the locker room as I do in the water (the disadvantage to having to swim between classes instead of at the end of the day).

A Fall Weekend

Yesterday was a busy day. We took Bridget to an apple orchard for some outdoor fun. It was a little more commerical and a little less orchard than I would have preferred, but it was still a fun outing and Bridget really enjoyed it. Her favorite part was the hayride from one picking area to the next. A close second was the animal barn with sheep, goats, pigs, and a calf.

After lunch and a nap, we joined some friends for dinner. That was also a big hit since they had a baby, a dog, a cat, and a big TV! Bridget was her usual happy and outgoing self, which was good since we kept her up long past her bedtime.

Today was pretty low key. This morning we went to Mass (Bridget was a bit more active than usual so I don't recall much of it) and had our usual breakfast at the diner with friends of Bill's family. It took some work to get Bridget down for a nap, but once she was finally quiet, I was out too. This evening we had a nice dinner with fresh apple crisp for dessert. Now I'm blogging instead of making preparations for my classes tomorrow. I hope my students are more focused than I am since they're taking an exam tomorrow.

A Retro Day

Today was rather like stepping back a year or so. Bill got up, put on a suit, and went to work this morning. I stayed home, did a little housework, played with Bridget, and took her to the park. It was pretty nice, although I wish it was my own house and a more stable sort of arrangement. Bill was hired temporarily to help another lawyer with recently acquired project. I might wish it was a permanent full-time job, but it involves both a paycheck (details still sketchy, but anything would help immensely right now) and some very important experience (including actual appearances in court). I think my step back is a great step forward.

Trying Again

So I wasn't that good at keeping up with a blog. It started out that I was just too busy. Not only did I not write my own posts, I didn't read any of the blogs that lead me to my own in the first place. Gradually the work stress let up and I got back to real, as well as digital, life. But by then I was so far behind that I couldn't even get started. I still can't decide if I should try to recap the summer or just get on with it from here.

Here's the 30 second version:
My brother is married. Bill's sister is married. Both weddings were very nice and Bridget was an adorable flower girl. I survived both Biochem and Micro Lab. The two week break that followed was lovely. We took a little camping trip with Bridget. Our campsite was right by the playground and the beach so we had lot of fun, despite the freak thunderstorm that nearly blew the tent down on top of us. A trip to the zoo, blueberry picking, and a visit to the county fair were also fun summer activities. Bridget turned two, she still tops the charts for height, and she talks like crazy.

Now I'm teaching my fall classes and Bill is still looking for the elusive full time job. I've got a couple applications out for part-time teaching next semester since I'm not scheduled to teach at Lansing. Our little Baby Bean is due the first week of class and long term subs for adjunct instructors are logistically difficult. The woman in charge of scheduling thought it would be no problem to get me a sub for the first week of class and if I could come back for the second week. I don't think she has any personal experience with childbirth. Personally, I thrilled at the idea of taking the whole semester off to be with Bridget and the baby, but financially I'm more than a little worried about it. I'm sure it will work out one way or the other.

For weekend fun we've been going to high school football games. Bridget gets a kick out of it, though she only lasts about 30 minutes before declaring "all done at a football game." Last week's game was particularly good since she got to dance during the half-time show and "a nice lady give you a cookie at a football game!"

Discouraged

I made it through another double-duty day on very little sleep. I did a lot of praying to get through it safely, intelligently, calmly, and compassionately. I think I managed all that pretty well, but it was still a pretty discourging day.

My biochem class had an exam that I had inteneded to be straightforward, though not necessarily easy. It didn't turn out that way. Several questions turned out to be rather ambiguous. Why do they seem so clear until the students touch them? The emails keep coming. I may drop a couple questions, which would be a huge hassle since I would need their answer sheets to adjust the grades and I wasn't planning on being back in Detroit again until Monday and I know they don't want to wait that long.

To add to my anxiety about giving exams to lecture halls full of students, a student emailed me today to tell me that several people were cheating on the exam and have done so on previous exams. Just great. I had no idea it was happening and I have no idea how to prevent it. I'll admit that I didn't try as hard on this exam, but on the last exam there were three version with the questions in different orders and the answers to the questions in different orders, and about a quarter of the questions were different. I also had two proctors helping watch the students very carefully. What else can I do? I don't know, but I feel obligated to do something.

A Month Already?

That was an unscheduled leave of absence. I'm still online regularly, but it's all about work and I haven't checked my usually blogs for quite a while. Now I'm afraid to do so since the task of catching up seems so daunting!

I've been bogged down with work but it's about to let up. for the past two weeks I've been teaching Biochem at Wayne State on Monday and Wednesday mornings, then driving to Lansing to teach Microbiology Lab Monday-Thursday afternoons. It's a lot of driving but I only do it for one more week. A week from today is my last day of Biochem. Overall I think the class has gone pretty well. In a few weeks I'll know what my students think; they filled out their evaluations of my teaching today. I expect them to be relatively good, but not great. I wonder if Wayne State will offer me a position in the fall. I wonder if I'll take it. Teaching lectures at Wayne is more work and less fun, but pays a lot better than LCC.

I might stick with LCC just to keep my stress level down. I'm interested in taking good care of myself since I found out that Bill and I are expecting a baby in January. We're both very excited about the impending arrival, but for me the last few weeks have been a haze of work, nausea, and exhaustion. I've just started feelinng a little better in the last couple days. I hope the improvement continues so that I can enjoy the two big weddings coming up.

I hope to get better about postinng soon. There are a lot of things I'd like to write about, but I only seem to have time for a quick update on recent doings. Here's looking forward to the month of July!

Another Week Survived

Whew, I made it through another week of Biochem and it seemed to go pretty well. The main difficulty is finding enough hours in a day. It takes a lot of work to prepare 3 hour lectures in a class that's not my specialty. This week I was able to concentrate on Biochem since I'm on break at Lansing until June. I give the first exam on Monday so this weekend's challenge is to write a good multiple choice exam. Wish me luck.

In non-work activities, I had fittings for both of my bridesmaid dresses. My sister and I went to a family friend on Monday to see about having the dresses altered for my brother's wedding. I'm afriad it will be a lot of work for her, but I'm sure the dresses will turn out fine. On Wednesday I went to the bridal shop to be fitted by an actual seamstress for Bill's sister's wedding. That one's going to cost me $55 to take in the top and hem the skirt. I can't help but think I could do it cheaper myself, but I don't want to risk upsetting anyone with a less than perfect result. You know the real bummer about this dress stuff? It should be my mom doing the alterations for me. She would have done a great job without the need to ask for favors or pay big bucks.

But just when I might start feeling sorry for myself, I end up feeling sorry for someone else instead. A friend of mine from Iowa miscarried during the second trimester after trying for years to get pregnant. I feel terrible for her.

But just when I'm feeling bad, I'm reminded for some of life's best gifts. Bill and I reached the milestone of eight years of marriage on Tuesday. We celebrated today with our first dinner-and-a-movie date in a very long time. Spiderman 3 was well worth watching, though not as good as the first two, and the Japanese steakhouse was wonderful. We brought home a Wenday's frosty to share with Bridget ad it was a good way to finish up a fun day.

Still Breathing

I made it through the week, but I'm not sure I'm much further ahead than I was then. I survived my second biochem lecture on Wednesday. I was underprepared and I knew it, but I managed to stretch what I had to fill the time so I don't think my students noticed. My interactions with them after the lecture were positive. Too bad there's no hope of my learning all their names. I know two students by name and I just found out that one of them will be dropped for failure to complete the prerequisites. Bummer.

Yesterday was my last class at LCC for the semester. I spent today grading and entering most of my final grades. I have to wait until Sunday for one student doing a rewrite on a paper that pushed the border of plagarism too much for my comfort. I also got to have a conversation with a student who had pushed past that border. I'm pretty sure that she actually thought it was OK. I think I've convinced her otherwise.

Now that LCC is pretty much wrapped up, I'll get to work on Biochem this evening. There are some other definate events this weekend (a barbecue with friends from LCC and a nice mother's day dinner) and a couple that I don't think I'll get to (making arrangements for alterations on a pair of bridesmaid dresses for example).

I should either get to work on biochem or engage with my much neglected family. I think I'll go for the latter.

Slow Deep Breaths

Thank goodness for office hours. I have to be here but I have no student so I can finally breathe. It's been crazy. I think I could handle two classes on the same schedule, but trying to start up one while wrapping up the other is likely to be the death of me. Prepping two 3 hours lectures a week is very time consuming and giving them is exhausting. I'm not sure I did a very good job, but maybe I can do better on Wednesday. If only there was more time to prepare. I spend all day tomorrow at LCC giving them the lecture that would have been given today if I wasn't in Detroit. Add to that the fact that I'm still not officially in wayne state's system (no email, no access to course website, no class list, building access, etc) and two brides-to-be who are, as perhaps brides should be, more concerned about thier planning than my sanity. Yes, I'm very tired.

Office hours are over and I don't have time to waste. I'll check in again later. Hopefully I'll get over to the sanctum too. I haven't check any blogs for days!

Back to the City

Bill, Bridget, and I spent the day in Detroit getting things ready for my biochem class. It was strange to be back. I meet with the woman who taught the class last semester and we discussed content and strategies for an hour and a half. Bill spend that time chasing Bridget all over campus. She must like heights because they spend a lot of time riding elevators and climbing stairs. We went up to my old lab and spent some time talking there. It's clear that my former boss is used to kids (he has 7 of his own) because he took Bridget's extreme curiosity in easy stride.

After lunch it was back to business with a trip to the bookstore for my texts, to the Office of Teaching and Learning for test-making software, and to media services for quick training on the computer presentation stations in the classrooms. We took a side trip down to the science storeroom to see a friend working there. Bridget had a great time riding a flatbed cart that got her absolutely filthy. Our last stop was at the new welcome center to get my id. They still had my old picture on file so they used that on the new card. It would look just like me if I cut my hair, got contacts, and was about 7 years younger.

There are still something that need done before my class starts in just over a week, but I'm happy with how much we accomplished today.

April Showers

It was wet today, a change from the past four days of warm and sunshine. Four days in a row is pretty good for Michigan! Bridget didn't like it much. We spent the day inside, a change from the past four days of walks, runs, balls, birdies, pinecones, rocks, swamps, geese, trees, tackles, tickles, and (seemingly endless) ring-around-the-rosy. Ah, spring as the mother of a toddler!

Worn out already

I've accomplished everything I'd hoped to do today and I still feel buried under a pile of work. the end of the semster has that effect on me. My current class has a lab test, a paper, a group presentation, and two lecture exams in the next two and a half weeks. I have a meeting next Monday about my summer micro lab and I start my biochem class two weeks from today. I may be caught up at this exact moment, but the tidal wave is looming.

With summer right behind

It was down right hot today. My enjoyment of the weather was limited by the bridal shower today. It went by in an absolute blur and I have no idea if it was any good not. There was food, there were gifts, there were guests (though not nearly as many we were expecting). I was very tired by the end. I did get some time in the sun with Bill and Bridget this evening - I hate to waste something that I know won't last!

Spring has sprung

Is it the warm weather and sunshine? The flowers and fresh cut grass? The sounds of birds and kids playing outside?

Nope. It's the end of the semster crunch combined with surge in wedding-related events. I'm trying to wrap up this semester's classes and simultaneously prep my two new summer courses. No point in worrying about the training course that I'll be taking on top of teaching. I scheduled a meeting withthe lead faculty for my micro lab course and I need to set up a trip back to Wayne State to gather resources for my biochem course. This weekend is the bridal shower for my brother's fiancee. I need to quit blogging and finish the exam I'm writing so that I can make a trip to the grocery store and get to my dad's house to help with the food prep. I hope it goes smoothly!

In a different light

I doubt I was the only instructor to walk into a familiar classroom and consider it for the first time in terms of defensibility. I wonder if any of my students did the same.

Earlier this semester I took the time to read the emergency instructions posted in the classroom. Until then I didn't realize that I am responsible for my students if there is an emergency. That might be more responsibilty than I want.

Things happen fast

Today I got call from the chairman of biological sciences at Wayne State. I was teaching and my phone was on vibrate in my pocket. I wonder if my students were awake enough to notice that I about jumped out of my skin. I called back after class and he offered me the spring section of biochemistry. It will be a tight fit with my summer class at LCC but I think it will work. I accepted and they had be drive form Lansing to Detroit this afternoon to sign the paperwork.

It was wierd to be back on campus. Driving around it looked so different that I felt totally lost, even though I was only mostly lost. Once I was on foot, it look so familiar that I thought I should walk right up to the VanBerkum lab and start looking at flies. I was surprised to be stopped at the department office front desk and asked to wait until they called back to announce my presence. I hope taking on this class is a good idea.

A bad day or a trend?

Bridget decided that sleeping was not something she wanted to do today. She's usually very good about taking a nap. Today there was screaming, an hour of sleep-inducing fresh air playing outside, another 30 minutes of screaming. When I finally went in, she sniffled at me and said in a very pitiful little voice, "Cuddles!" Within 5 minutes she was asleep in my arms and stayed asleep even after I disentangled myself. It was sweet at the time, but then she tried the same ploy at bedtime. This time I didn't fall for it and she eventually fell asleep. Let's hope this just one bad day and not a new trend!

Baby Steps

Should I give this an honest try or just let my barely begun blog expire? Today I added this blog to my favorite. Now it's possible that I will actually visit it with some regularity.

Today was rather uneventful. Bridget was sweet and fun today, but so full of energy that we could never quite keep up with her. We just followed the trail of misplaced items left in her wake. We took a family trip to Sam's Club to get one item for dinner. Predictably, we left with far more than a single item. Still, it was a good diversion and Bridget enjoyed the free samples.

I spent a long time working on an online job application. The application, cover letter and resume were easy, but they requested a couple unexpected attachments: a letter of reference (I've never asked for a letter emailed to me instead of the prospective employer) and a copy of my transcripts (I have digital copies of my transcripts, but it took a lot of work to combine them into one document that was under the 2 Mb limit). Despite the fact that I'd rather not work full-time, I've thrown myself into the job hunt and I have some prospects. I have an application in for a full-time faculy position at Schoolcraft college. I sent my CV to the chair of my former department at Wayne State and he's keeping me in mind for the fall, as well as calling me next week about some openings this summer. The position I'm most interested in is the full-time faculty opening at LCC that I spent all afternoon working on. We'll see what happens.

A New Step

A place to say whatever I want and I am out of words.