Michael's baptism

Mikey was baptized on February 17. We attended the preparation class before he was born, but the actual date was chosen with rather short notice. It was either that or wait until the end of March or later. I made his baptismal outfit from fabric left over from my wedding dress and Bill's mom planned a nice brunch for after the service.

Bridget was very excited about the baptism. There was a baptism during Mass late last year and we told her that the new baby would be baptized when he was born. She was against it at first ("no Baby Bean get bathtized"), but by Christmas we convinced her that it would be a good idea. After that it was hard to keep her away from the font.

For those of you who were in Michigan that day, the 17th began with freezing rain and terrible roads. Mass attendance was low and several people we had hoped to be there were unable to make it, but our families and the godparents arrived safely. The service was nice, though brief and lacking some things I was expecting. Regardless, witnessing the sacrament was beautiful and our family was there to share it with us. Michael was awake for most of the Mass and hardly made a noise the whole time. It's not obvious from the pictures, but he's barefoot because I forgot to bring his socks and shoes to the church!

How the months fly...

Last post I was pregnant and worrying about the baby. Today I am typing with a beautiful baby boy sleeping on my lap. His name is Michael Andrew. He was born on January 25, 11 days late, at 2:27 pm. They had to induce labor since Michael showed no signs of coming on his own. Labor and delivery went well and resulted in a boy who was 9 pounds 2 ounces and 22.5 inches long. That's a far cry from the small baby predicted by all the measurements. Michael had to spend a couple hours in the special care nursery to clear his lungs but we were both doing so well that they let us go home after 24 hours. Bridget adored her baby brother right from the start.



Now a month later, Mikey weighs over 10 pounds and is 23 inches long. Bridget is doing a great job of helping out. I wish I could say that Mikey sleeps through the night like his sister did at this age. Unfortunately he wants to eat every two hours at night and get his extra sleep during the day. Bill can't feed the baby but he does help me get as much sleep as I can by getting up with Bridget in the morning so I can sleep in. What a marvelous family I have!

Sleepless Sentiments

The level of my alertness at 3:28 am is truly amazing, not to mention annoying. I wish I was sleeping, but it is not happening. I shouldn't be surprised - I'm a chronic insomniac who had been sleeping pretty well for a week or so. I think my mistake was going to bed before midnight (sometime I frequently plan to do and almost never achieve). I was tired at 11:30 pm so I went to bed. I woke up at 2:30 am and have been completely unable to return to a state of slumber, restful or otherwise. A snoring husband and an active baby didn't help, but the main problem is a racing mind. Here are some of the thoughts that were apparently more important to my brain than sleep:

Concerns about pregnancy and childbirth: Baby Bean is on my mind today because I had both an OB appointment and a childbirth refresher class. The appointment went well. Bill was working (I like typing that phrase) so Bridget came with me and she was very good the whole time. I've hardly gained any weight in the past month and Bean measured the same size as last visit. The quick measure of a baby's growth is the size of the mother's belly measured from the pubic bone to the top of the uterus. The size in cm should be approximately the same as the weeks of gestation. I'm 31 weeks along and measuring 27 cm. The doctor did an ultrasound to make sure Bean is growing properly and thankfully everything looks fine. His estimated weight is a little over 3 pounds, which is nearly average for his age. I guess the big question is where I'm keeping that much baby without getting bigger!

After the first half of our refresher class last week, I was feeling overwhelmed by the whole childbirth thing, even though I've already done it once. It felt completely new and frightening again. Contractions, dilation, monitoring, pain relief, labor techniques, etc. I had a few restless nights of uneasy dreams worrying about Bean and all the various things that could go wrong. Last night I had a really good dream of holding a happy, healthy baby boy. That along with the newborns we saw in the nursery at the end of tonight's class makes me anxious to have Bean in my arms. Even as I wish to hold him sooner, I worry about the possibility of that happening. Premature birth is probably my biggest fear. The further along I get, the more anxious I feel about the things that went wrong near the end of my last pregnancy, namely my mom's death and my sister's difficult pregnancy ending in my niece being born early and spending a week in the neonatal ICU (two events that set the stage for my sister's divorce).

Teaching this summer: I'm officially scheduled to teach biochem at Wayne again. I'm excited to be asked and I'm theoretically looking forward to it but it's been in my mind way too much lately. If I knew Bill would have gainful employment by then, I think I would have turned them down. Although it will be much easier than last summer since I've been through it once, there are a lot of changes I'd like to make. I think it could be another stressful two months, this time with two children to neglect, one of whom will hopefully still be nursing. One big concern is how to make the course more difficult. My average scores were much higher than I expected and I think the powers that be are concerned that I made it too easy. I'm not quite sure how to fix it since I think I covered the necessary material and wrote fair exams covering that material. I can't quit thinking about the need to compare what I taught to the exams given by the other instructors. It's a good thing to do, but I hardly need to be worrying about it now with the semester five months away.

Teaching this semester: Trying to avoid thinking about biochem usually leads my mind to the current semester. I teach tomorrow and I feel the lecture is well planned but there are always more things to consider. Like extra activties to improve learning. Most of the classes I took were lecture/exam courses. Listen to the lecture, take the exam. At LCC they try hard to encourage more active teaching and learning methods. The small class size makes it pretty reasonable to do so, but I'm not always comfortable with it. Also, there's a lot of material to cover and anything that uses class time decreases lecture time. My hope is to get through tomorrow's lecture material a little early so I can try a new exercise. I want to give the students five minutes to write three test questions based on the material we've covered in the current unit, then have the exchange papers and try to answer each other's questions. The goal of this is two-fold: 1) for students to think about the types of questions that could be asked about the material, and 2) to give me an idea of what types of questions the students might expect. If it also shows then that writing exam questions isn't as easy and straightforward as they think, all the better.

It's now much later than it was when I started and maybe the exercise of writing all this down has cleared my mind enough to let me get to sleep. Here's hoping...

Fall is Flying

I put on a winter coat and wonder why it's so cold outside. Then I consider the date and wonder how it got so late in the year. A few thoughts brought on by the season:

The fall semester is drawing to a close. There's only one month left and end of the semester activities are starting to pile up. Exams, lab tests, a group project/paper, and an extra credit assignment. Plans are also in the works for next year's classes. I got an email from Wayne State asking if I'd like to teach Biochem again in summer. It would be a lot easier than last summer and I could work 2 days a week for the same pay as 4 days a week at LCC. Sounds good to me.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner. It will be an unusual holiday. Since my dad works on Thursday and Karen's kids will be with their dad, we planned our Thanksgiving gathering for Friday. Now it turns out that none of us have any plans for Thanksgiving day. Bill's mom will still be in Salt Lake City. Bill's dad is working in Mexico until mid December. He'll fly to SLC for the holiday weekend instead of coming back here. Bill and I have the house to ourselves for the next month. I'm both excited and a little bummed to be lacking family for so much of the holiday season.

Christmas music and decorations are everywhere. I find it a bit irritating that we have no chance to enjoy a bite of Halloween candy without here Jingle Bells. I realized that it might be a bit hypocritical to be annoyed by the Christmas music playing in the store I wandered into looking for Christmas ideas for my daughter, niece, and nephew.

The Church's liturgical year is nearly over. We're down to the last couple years of ordinary time and advent will begin the new church year soon. The focus is on resurrection, but it is also a month of remembrance with a lot of reminders about those who have gone before us. It's hard to believe that it's been over two years since my mom died. I'm pretty good at coping with that loss, but I'm not very good at considering resurrection, heaven, eternal life, etc. It just feels like more than my mind can comprehend. I try to do the best I can here and now and leave heaven in God's hands.

Baby Bean's arrival is getting closer. This is the biggest thing about the passing time. Every day brings him a little closer. All is still well with the pregnancy, though he's still measuring small. At our childbirth refresher class last week, I looked only half as pregnant as the other women. I'm starting to get more concerned about trival things things like labor, names, clothes, blankets, etc. and less trival things like where we'll be living, how we'll make ends meet, and how to manage two small children. Sometimes I wish he could stay safely where he is for about six more months, but we're down to only 10 more weeks!

Weekend Wanderings

It was a weekend by turns busy and laid-back. Bill worked on Friday. He made his first appearance in open court as an attorney during an update conference on the case he's researching. Pretty cool. Bridget and I got quite a bit done too. We did laundry, got an oil change, picked up a new battery for the car, and went to the library.

Saturday we went out for a little shopping (I'm looking for a new digital camera - my 2 mp Fuji is a little behind the times) and took Bridget to the park. We all napped the afternoon away, then rushed to it to Mass at 5 pm. Bridget was not at her best, but we managed.

This morning we attended a new community catechesis program at our parish. The idea is that dropping kids off for once a week religious instruction is not as effective as involving the whole family. It is a two hour lesson with a related activity for the children, followed by Mass (we opted for Mass on Saturday evening because three hours was just too much to expect form a two-year old). Today's lesson was the liturgy of the Church, with most of the time spent on an explanation of the Church's liturgical year. It was interesting and informative. I'd like to go again. Bridget was too young for the children's activity but she was absolutely wonderful for the two hours. She got to pick out a special treat when we went grocery shopping and she was very excited about her donut with sprinkles.

There was just enough time for a quick lunch and an hour nap for Bridget before we were out of the house again. We spent the evening at my dad's house to celebrate the 4th birthday of my nephew and godson. Bridget has been looking forward to this birthday party for weeks. There was spaghetti for dinner followed by cake and ice cream and presents. That's her idea of a perfect event, even if the presents aren't for her.

It was a busy day and I'm glad we gained an hour or I'm not sure we would have fit it all in. I would have liked to spend that hour sleeping, but Bridget's internal clock didn't adjust with the time change so she was up early. She stayed up late tonight so hopefully she'll sleep in to the regular time tomorrow.

Halloween Pictures

Here is my first attempt to post pictures on a blog. Thanks to Kevin for the instructions (I never noticed that convenient little button before). We conducted our Halloween festivities at my dad's house with my sister and her kids. Above you can see the kids decorating pumpkins and all dressed up for trick-or-treating. Three-year-old Austin is a cow, two-year-old Kacey is a skunk, and Bridget is obviously a very cute Cinderella.

Halloween Wednesday

Wednesdays are OB days. Now that Bean is into his third trimester of development, I have appointments every other Wednesday and there seems to be baby-related activity on the in between weeks - the glucose test last week and childbirth refresher class next week. Bridget came with me today and despite her misgivings, "No Mama go to doctor", it went very well. Bridget was sweet and adorable in her Cinderella dress (no reason not to let her wear it all day). My weight gain was good, Bean measured significantly larger than last visit, and the doctor told me that the numbers from my 3-hour glucose test were not only acceptable, they were extremely good. I'm very thankful and happy that Bean is doing so well. He's been kicking me all day to assure me of his good health.

This evening we took Bridget to my Dad's house for some trick-or-treating with her cousins. For those of you unfamiliar with the neighborhood in which I grew up, the houses are 1/4 mile apart or so and separated by fields of corn, hay, wheat, or beans. I'm related to most of the neighbors and my uncles own many of the aforementioned fields. Walking from house to house is not a viable option so we did as was done when I was young. Getting three adults and three children under three in and out of a vehicle is a tedious and time-consuming process. We stopped at the houses of the five nearest relatives and called it a night. I think it was just about right. The kids had fun without wearing out and the amount of candy remained within a reasonable limit.

An Accident-free Day

Today is the first day since we began potty training that Bridget has gone completely without an accident. It's a very happy change from yesterday when we cleaned up three puddles in two hours. These are the things that count as major accomplishments in my life!

Bridget is very excited about going trick-or-treating this week. She asks me to review the procedure nearly hourly, even though she knows it all by heart:

Mama: "First you..."
Bridget: "Put on your Cindinrella dress!"
M: "Then we..."
B: "Go a Papa's house!"
M: "Then what do we do?"
B: "Go knock-knock on a door."
M: "What do you say?"
B: "Trick er treat."
M: "Then what happens?"
B: " They give you CANDY!"
M" "Then..."
B: "Say thank you."

Relief

Yesterday I waited all day for a phone call that never came. I spent the evening researching gestational diabetes. This morning I got the call from my doctor's office and everything is fine. I am greatly relieved and, not for the first time, chagrined at expending so much energy worrying about something that never came to pass.

Another Wednesday

I was back at the doctor's office today. The results of last week's glucose tolerance screen were not good so I had to go back for a three hour fasting glucose tolerance test. The test itself went fine (the nurse was very good and make the four blood draws tolerable even for a needle-phobe like myself), but I'm more than a little nervous about the results. It may come back fine, or it may confirm that I have gestational diabetes. That would be bad enough for someone with my extreme attraction to all things sweet. The really bad news is that I would have to monitor my blood glucose level four times a day for the rest of the pregnancy. My fingers hurt just thinking about sticking myself so many times. Even worse than temporary monitoring is the fact that woman with gestational diabetes are at a much higher risk of developing diabetes later in life. That thought has me very bummed out. It's been a nagging fear of mine since long before this stupid test. I need a cookie.

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

For the past year or so, Bill and I have both been paying more attention to being Catholic. I doubt that most people would notice much of a change, but we're more attuned to church teachings than we were. There are many things about the Catholic church that were either ignored or glossed over in our cradle-Catholic education. Now that we're making an effort to learn more, some of the things we see at Mass seem jarringly out of place. What's really amazing is that Bridget has noticed the same things on two occasions.

A few weeks ago, they had lowered a projection screen above the alter to show a slide show during communion. Bill and I both thought it was a huge distraction from the main point of the solemn sacrifice of the Mass. Bridget noticed it as soon as we sat down. Her comment was "Where's Jesus?" referring to the large statue of the risen Christ that was covered up by the screen. She definitely got right to the point there.

Today we noticed that the hymn sung at the beginning of communion wasn't liturgically appropriate. It was a nice song and well preformed, but it didn't fulfill the role of a communion hymn as I have come to understand it. As Bridget put it when the song began, "Sounds like music at a big party!"

To remind you that she is an ordinary 2-year-old, you should also know that she thought there should be stickers in the basket when she took up her money for the children's collection.

Wednesday

Today is a nice day, a bit of blue sky in a week of rainy days. Bill went into work this morning so Bridget and I had the house to ourselves. We got ready for the day, cleaned a bathroom, and ran some errands. You wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find a kite in mid-October. Bridget saw someone flying a kite in a book and now she wants to "fly a kite with Mama." I hate to refuse such a request, but I can't find a kite anywhere! We took a trip to the park instead.

Bill came home for lunch so I could go to my appointment. It was fairly uneventful. I get the result of the glucose tolerance test tomorrow. Baby Bean's heartbeat was good, but he measures small even though I gained adequate weight this month. I'm not too surprised since Bridget measured small too but she was over 8 pounds. I go back in two weeks and they'll do another ultrasound if Bean* doesn't seem much bigger.

When I got home, Bridget was still napping and that seemed like a good idea to me too. Now I'm blogging and Bridget is sitting next to me watching Sesame Street clips on youtube. She already loves the computer. We'll have to keep an eye on her screen time as she gets older!


*For those of you who don't know, we don't intend to name our little boy "Bean," it's just how we refer to him for now. We haven't chosen a name yet and Bridget needed something to call him. It refers to the appearance of a baby at an early ultrasound - a little kidney bean shape with a flashing spot for a heart.

Mondy Roundup

The Cinderella dress is finished and Bridget was excited to see it. She caught sight of it this morning and wanted to wear it immediately. Since her breakfast oatmeal are almost ready to eat, we vetoed that and she settled for dancing around the room holding the dress. It was a reaction well worth my efforts! I worked today, but I hear her day went well with a trip to the park and one pair of panties lasting almost all day.

This week is busy at work. I'm lecturing on a complex topic (transport across the cell membrane is difficult for novices), giving a lab practical early in the week, and giving a lecture exam on Thursday. That means being more available to students and not taking time out to swim between classes. The first lab practical went well with a very respectable 76% average. Hopefully tomorrow's lab goes as smoothly.

Only 3 months until Baby Bean's due date. I have an OB appointment on Wednesday. I'm looking forward to it. Even when all signs indicate that the pregnancy is going well, it's nice to have periodic confirmation. I want to know that my weight gain is on track and that Bean's heartbeat is still strong. The Braxton-Hicks contractions are stronger and a lot earlier than with Bridget, but not out of the ordinary. I'm torn between wanting the next three months to be over so we can hold our baby boy and wanting them to last so I can continue to enjoy my private time with him and while he's so much easier to care for!

Domestic Day

The cool weather made me less than enthusiastic about leaving the house so I stayed in today. Bridget and I read a lot of stories, folded a lot of laundry, made a lot of visits to the potty (this is the first time she didn't wet her panties all day!), and had a rather unsuccessful naptime. This evening I worked on her Halloween costume. She wants to be Cinderella and she wants the custome ready right now. She wanted to wear it today and wasn't impressed when I told her that I still had to make it. "Sew it!" she demanded and I got to work. She was extremely interested and stayed pretty close (a little too close to the cutting scissors and sharp needles for my comfort) until bedtime. It's going well so far and it looks adorable. I can't wait to let her try it on once I get the skirt attached to the bodice.

The Week Continues

It's midweek with little to report. I don't work on Wednesdays so it's a bit like a mini-weekend. Like most weekends, I usually accomplish far less than I was hoping to. Today went pretty well. I did a little cleaning and I did got a lot of work done for my teaching next week. After tomorrow's lectures, it's time for the real weekend to start.

Waning Weekend

Another weekend is drawing to a close. There were some fun events and some chores accomplished, but not as many of either as I had hoped. I spent a lot of time either sleeping or wishing I was sleeping (like this morning when Bridget crawled into bed with me and began a long one-sided conversation that degenerated into giggles as she climbed all over her daddy).

Bill worked on Friday and I was out of sorts most of the day, but I did manage a little cleaning as well as the laundry. The evening improved with an impromptu visit to my dad's house. We had hot dogs for dinner and let the kids play until they were ready to drop. I also choose a couple items of my mom's to "borrow." I needed a gold chain to wear until my own jewelry is unearthed from basement storage and I wanted a couple holiday sweaters for this Christmas since mine are not going to fit over Baby Bean. Of course I have no intention of returning them. My dad has been trying for a while to get us to take anything we want, but it doesn't feel right to just walk into her closet and walk off with her things. So for now I'll think of it was borrowing something and it will eventually I'll consider it a gift from her to me.

Bill and I went out with a friend to see a movie. We saw 3:10 to Yuma, which was a pretty good movie, but I was frequently distracted by an inability to suspend my disbelief. There was way too little damage being done by way too many flying bullets. Bridget was very excited to join us for dinner at a restaurant, despite an unreasonable fear that every member of the waitstaff was going to take her drink or her dinner before she was finished.

Today we took Bridget to JoAnn's to choose fabric for her Halloween costume (she wants to be Cinderella, a costume for which I already have a pattern). We went a little too close to naptime so it was a bit of a trial, but we did accomplish the project. Bridget requested a picnic lunch with peanut butter sandwiches ("eat butter sammich on a blanket outside") and it was pleasant way to decompress a little before a late nap.

This afternoon Bill and I left Bridget with her Grandpa so we could go to a special service - a solemn high Mass said in the Latin Tridentine form. It was a new experience for me. It was a bit hard to follow for a non-Latin-speaker like myself, but it was a more peaceful and reflective Mass than the ordinary form. Or maybe I felt that way because I experienced an entire Mass without a two-year-old on my lap.

Symptomatic Resurgence

For some reason, the pregnancy symptoms have hit me really hard this week. It's odd because it's been pretty much business as usual since I got over the all-day morning sickness that characterized the month of June. This week I've been incredibly tired despite napping when possible, my previously diminishing craving for sweets has come back with a vengeance, I have to go to the bathroom all the time, I'm getting night-time leg cramps, my balance is off, and my mood swings like a two-year-old at the park.

Other than the emotional instability, I don't really mind much. It's nice to be reminded that I'm pregnant. There's nothing wrong with the extra rest, I usually manage to limit the treats to a much enjoyed snack in the evening, more trips to the bathroom remind me to ask Bridget if she needs to go, the leg cramps are a chance to practice labor breathing techniques, and I have a good reason to take the elevator instead of the stairs at work, and I can blame a combination of symptoms for why I have accomplished almost nothing this weekend.

Joy Not Untarnished

I'm glad to be pregnant. In fact, I'm thrilled to be pregnant. I enjoy it not only for the baby-to-be, but even for the experience itself. But this week has been big for reminding me that my joy may be very hard on others. I've read of the miscarriage of a much desired pregnancy and an adoption cut short by lack of funds. Closer to home, my sister is having a very hard time dealing with her divorce and the feeling of losing her children. Most personally, there is the association I have between pregnancy and my mom's death. It's hard not to be frustrated all over again that she's not here. Add to that the stress of a living arrangement and financial situation not particularly conducive to an additional family member and it's difficult to feel as happy as I'm sure I must be.

Saying the Wrong Thing

Sometimes we just say the wrong thing. I was trying to say the right things. I was trying to express care and concern and a positive attitude, but it all fell wrong on the ears of the person I was trying to encourage. It's not that anyone got angry. No one said anything mean or hurtful and we've both apologized that we weren't more sensitive to each other. But I feel like the conversation washed away all the common ground I've been trying to build for the past few years. Now we're stuck on opposite sides of a ravine. We can chat and smile and be there together, but no matter how I stretch, we can't quite reach each other. Were we ever close enough to touch or are the differences in our lives more than can be bridged? I feel lonely here on my side and I feel bad for stranding her on her side. So much for words; I don't think they're working here either.

Blog Personalities

Although I don't read many blogs, I've found that my virtual personality changes depending on the blog I'm reading. This might not affect those who lurk, but sometimes I can't keep from commenting. The tone of my comments varies from one blog to the next. When I'm reading my friend's blogs, I try to be amusing and affectionate. When in a Catholic blog, commenting is more difficult since it involved trying to say something meaningful and honest without triggering the judgement that I always fear is lurking for the well-meaning but less devout readers such as I see myself. I don't usually reply to posts on parenting, but I do file the information in my brain for later use.

The multiple personalities are easy enough to manage as a visit different blogs. Despite being logged in, comments feel very anonymous. All that is seen is the one personality I reveal to that blog's readership. What I haven't figured out is what to do with my own blog. It's not so safely anonymous and anyone could make their way from my comments to my profile to this blog. Who I am here would depend on who is reading, but I don't really know who that is. I guess I'll have to muddle through being myself.