Waning Weekend

Another weekend is drawing to a close. There were some fun events and some chores accomplished, but not as many of either as I had hoped. I spent a lot of time either sleeping or wishing I was sleeping (like this morning when Bridget crawled into bed with me and began a long one-sided conversation that degenerated into giggles as she climbed all over her daddy).

Bill worked on Friday and I was out of sorts most of the day, but I did manage a little cleaning as well as the laundry. The evening improved with an impromptu visit to my dad's house. We had hot dogs for dinner and let the kids play until they were ready to drop. I also choose a couple items of my mom's to "borrow." I needed a gold chain to wear until my own jewelry is unearthed from basement storage and I wanted a couple holiday sweaters for this Christmas since mine are not going to fit over Baby Bean. Of course I have no intention of returning them. My dad has been trying for a while to get us to take anything we want, but it doesn't feel right to just walk into her closet and walk off with her things. So for now I'll think of it was borrowing something and it will eventually I'll consider it a gift from her to me.

Bill and I went out with a friend to see a movie. We saw 3:10 to Yuma, which was a pretty good movie, but I was frequently distracted by an inability to suspend my disbelief. There was way too little damage being done by way too many flying bullets. Bridget was very excited to join us for dinner at a restaurant, despite an unreasonable fear that every member of the waitstaff was going to take her drink or her dinner before she was finished.

Today we took Bridget to JoAnn's to choose fabric for her Halloween costume (she wants to be Cinderella, a costume for which I already have a pattern). We went a little too close to naptime so it was a bit of a trial, but we did accomplish the project. Bridget requested a picnic lunch with peanut butter sandwiches ("eat butter sammich on a blanket outside") and it was pleasant way to decompress a little before a late nap.

This afternoon Bill and I left Bridget with her Grandpa so we could go to a special service - a solemn high Mass said in the Latin Tridentine form. It was a new experience for me. It was a bit hard to follow for a non-Latin-speaker like myself, but it was a more peaceful and reflective Mass than the ordinary form. Or maybe I felt that way because I experienced an entire Mass without a two-year-old on my lap.

Symptomatic Resurgence

For some reason, the pregnancy symptoms have hit me really hard this week. It's odd because it's been pretty much business as usual since I got over the all-day morning sickness that characterized the month of June. This week I've been incredibly tired despite napping when possible, my previously diminishing craving for sweets has come back with a vengeance, I have to go to the bathroom all the time, I'm getting night-time leg cramps, my balance is off, and my mood swings like a two-year-old at the park.

Other than the emotional instability, I don't really mind much. It's nice to be reminded that I'm pregnant. There's nothing wrong with the extra rest, I usually manage to limit the treats to a much enjoyed snack in the evening, more trips to the bathroom remind me to ask Bridget if she needs to go, the leg cramps are a chance to practice labor breathing techniques, and I have a good reason to take the elevator instead of the stairs at work, and I can blame a combination of symptoms for why I have accomplished almost nothing this weekend.

Joy Not Untarnished

I'm glad to be pregnant. In fact, I'm thrilled to be pregnant. I enjoy it not only for the baby-to-be, but even for the experience itself. But this week has been big for reminding me that my joy may be very hard on others. I've read of the miscarriage of a much desired pregnancy and an adoption cut short by lack of funds. Closer to home, my sister is having a very hard time dealing with her divorce and the feeling of losing her children. Most personally, there is the association I have between pregnancy and my mom's death. It's hard not to be frustrated all over again that she's not here. Add to that the stress of a living arrangement and financial situation not particularly conducive to an additional family member and it's difficult to feel as happy as I'm sure I must be.

Saying the Wrong Thing

Sometimes we just say the wrong thing. I was trying to say the right things. I was trying to express care and concern and a positive attitude, but it all fell wrong on the ears of the person I was trying to encourage. It's not that anyone got angry. No one said anything mean or hurtful and we've both apologized that we weren't more sensitive to each other. But I feel like the conversation washed away all the common ground I've been trying to build for the past few years. Now we're stuck on opposite sides of a ravine. We can chat and smile and be there together, but no matter how I stretch, we can't quite reach each other. Were we ever close enough to touch or are the differences in our lives more than can be bridged? I feel lonely here on my side and I feel bad for stranding her on her side. So much for words; I don't think they're working here either.

Blog Personalities

Although I don't read many blogs, I've found that my virtual personality changes depending on the blog I'm reading. This might not affect those who lurk, but sometimes I can't keep from commenting. The tone of my comments varies from one blog to the next. When I'm reading my friend's blogs, I try to be amusing and affectionate. When in a Catholic blog, commenting is more difficult since it involved trying to say something meaningful and honest without triggering the judgement that I always fear is lurking for the well-meaning but less devout readers such as I see myself. I don't usually reply to posts on parenting, but I do file the information in my brain for later use.

The multiple personalities are easy enough to manage as a visit different blogs. Despite being logged in, comments feel very anonymous. All that is seen is the one personality I reveal to that blog's readership. What I haven't figured out is what to do with my own blog. It's not so safely anonymous and anyone could make their way from my comments to my profile to this blog. Who I am here would depend on who is reading, but I don't really know who that is. I guess I'll have to muddle through being myself.

Parenting Moments

There are so many things to consider with a bright two-year-old. It seems like every moment is a teaching moment of some sort: not only colors, letters, and shapes, but also politeness, hygiene, motor skills, behavior in church, table manners, listening to directions, potty training, and so much more. She learns so quickly that we can hardly keep up with her.

We were trying to wean her off the pacifier that she uses at bedtime, but our first attempt didn't work. A couple mom's recommended cutting off the end of the pacifier so we could let her have it, she just wouldn't want it. The first couple nights were heartbreaking as she cried "have a broke mimi," and "get a better mimi." I felt as mean as if I'd torn the head off her favorite stuffed animal. Then she adapted and now she comments once that it's broken, then uses it anyway.

We're just letting it go for now as we embark on the much more important and time consuming adventure of potty training. For week's she's been sitting on the potty regularly, but nothing has happened. Today's diapers are just too absorbent for kids to learn what it feels like to go potty. After a couple days in cloth training panties, I think she's starting to get it. Not only did she figure out how to pee in the potty, but today she actually told her daddy before she went instead of as she was wetting her panties. I'm sure there's still a lot of changes of clothes ahead, but we just might have this well in hand by the time her baby brother arrives.

Literacy is a Prerequisite

Do my students not read the syllabus or do they just assume it doesn't apply to them? I had four students miss the exam I gave to today. Two of them have emailed to make arrangements to make up the exam. The syllabus clearly states (and I clearly stated on the first day of class) that the lowest exam score is dropped so there are NO makeup exams. I am actually a very sympathetic person so I do not enjoy these moments of holding the hard line.

If mine was a meaningful blog, I would go on to discuss this phenomenon in the larger world with examples of people acting above the rules. I can't say I've never done it myself and I'm a pretty compulsive rule follower in most situations. Thankfully, this isn't that kind of blog, so I'll leave the topic and return to the minutia of my daily life.

Otherwise the day went well. My students finished their exams early so I got some extra time in the pool. My endurance and my form are improving but the best part is the marvelous relaxation of weightlessness that will only get better as I get bigger. It makes it worthwhile to spend twice as long in the locker room as I do in the water (the disadvantage to having to swim between classes instead of at the end of the day).

A Fall Weekend

Yesterday was a busy day. We took Bridget to an apple orchard for some outdoor fun. It was a little more commerical and a little less orchard than I would have preferred, but it was still a fun outing and Bridget really enjoyed it. Her favorite part was the hayride from one picking area to the next. A close second was the animal barn with sheep, goats, pigs, and a calf.

After lunch and a nap, we joined some friends for dinner. That was also a big hit since they had a baby, a dog, a cat, and a big TV! Bridget was her usual happy and outgoing self, which was good since we kept her up long past her bedtime.

Today was pretty low key. This morning we went to Mass (Bridget was a bit more active than usual so I don't recall much of it) and had our usual breakfast at the diner with friends of Bill's family. It took some work to get Bridget down for a nap, but once she was finally quiet, I was out too. This evening we had a nice dinner with fresh apple crisp for dessert. Now I'm blogging instead of making preparations for my classes tomorrow. I hope my students are more focused than I am since they're taking an exam tomorrow.

A Retro Day

Today was rather like stepping back a year or so. Bill got up, put on a suit, and went to work this morning. I stayed home, did a little housework, played with Bridget, and took her to the park. It was pretty nice, although I wish it was my own house and a more stable sort of arrangement. Bill was hired temporarily to help another lawyer with recently acquired project. I might wish it was a permanent full-time job, but it involves both a paycheck (details still sketchy, but anything would help immensely right now) and some very important experience (including actual appearances in court). I think my step back is a great step forward.

Trying Again

So I wasn't that good at keeping up with a blog. It started out that I was just too busy. Not only did I not write my own posts, I didn't read any of the blogs that lead me to my own in the first place. Gradually the work stress let up and I got back to real, as well as digital, life. But by then I was so far behind that I couldn't even get started. I still can't decide if I should try to recap the summer or just get on with it from here.

Here's the 30 second version:
My brother is married. Bill's sister is married. Both weddings were very nice and Bridget was an adorable flower girl. I survived both Biochem and Micro Lab. The two week break that followed was lovely. We took a little camping trip with Bridget. Our campsite was right by the playground and the beach so we had lot of fun, despite the freak thunderstorm that nearly blew the tent down on top of us. A trip to the zoo, blueberry picking, and a visit to the county fair were also fun summer activities. Bridget turned two, she still tops the charts for height, and she talks like crazy.

Now I'm teaching my fall classes and Bill is still looking for the elusive full time job. I've got a couple applications out for part-time teaching next semester since I'm not scheduled to teach at Lansing. Our little Baby Bean is due the first week of class and long term subs for adjunct instructors are logistically difficult. The woman in charge of scheduling thought it would be no problem to get me a sub for the first week of class and if I could come back for the second week. I don't think she has any personal experience with childbirth. Personally, I thrilled at the idea of taking the whole semester off to be with Bridget and the baby, but financially I'm more than a little worried about it. I'm sure it will work out one way or the other.

For weekend fun we've been going to high school football games. Bridget gets a kick out of it, though she only lasts about 30 minutes before declaring "all done at a football game." Last week's game was particularly good since she got to dance during the half-time show and "a nice lady give you a cookie at a football game!"